this is me feeding me...and three other humans.  every day.  plus their playdates, out of town guests, and shabbat guests.

today is a fast day.  i am drinking but not eating until dinner.  why am i doing this?  to remember queen esther, our most eating-disordered of heroines.  and also to help put food in a new perspective?
i am trying to get comfortable somewhere around the food that i eat.  i don't need that much to have energy and to be healthy.  i have to always remind myself of how little it actually takes to be full and feel energetic.  it's not a familiar comfort zone.  i'm much more familiar with eating too much and then worrying about it afterwards.
this mantra of "this is me feeding me" has been extremely helpful the last few days.

wow, didja see how feeling overwhelmed by all of the work i have to do almost turned into making DH's favorite cookies?

this is me, feeding myself.  taking responsibility for the quality and quantity of what i eat.  i'm not according to or against anyone else's wishes.  to be good or to be bad.  it's just me, feeding me.

i had my first session with karen today.  i had pretty low expectations of it, but i am so happy with my decision to start with her and to take steps forward out of this "stuck" place.  i really like her a lot. 
here are some of the issues that we identified
* feeling stuck in the kitchen
* using food and cooking as a Safe Space where I don't have to worry about meeting my larger goals
" feeling stuck in progress with mikvah work
* needing the courage to speak out what i believe in about the mikvah
* needing to find focus by the fall
* taking myself and my ideas seriously as an adult. 
flying under the radar screen, dealing with how people see me as younger
* needing to define what it means to me to be an adult